I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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