My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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