it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
