have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
