Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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