Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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