There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
