yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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