it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
