Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize