I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
