ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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