If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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