Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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