what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
