i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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