I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
