You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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