I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
