i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
