I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
