Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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