It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize