not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
NoShamevember. You game?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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