yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
