In the future we'll all be gay
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
