the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
