Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
