Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When did we convert life to cartoon?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
