Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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