Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize