Only a mothe r could love this liver
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
