I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
