my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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