walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
