Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
