My room smells like vodka and shame
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
