Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize