It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
