OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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