Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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