lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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