News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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