I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She needs sedatives and a leash
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize