2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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