I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
