i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize