why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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