Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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