Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
