I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize