I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Drake has all the answers
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
