Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
