I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize