I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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