Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize