this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
