I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
