fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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