So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
