At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have demons in me.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
