Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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