Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
