So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
