i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
