Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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