I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
