you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize