just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
