I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
