Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
