Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I've blown a few things in my day
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
