she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
