Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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