So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
