i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
