I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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