i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
