I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize