Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
