she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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