She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
