Nicole vs. Life
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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