Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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