I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize