Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
