careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
