What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
