He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
